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Skamatiks
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--------------------BREAKING NEWS--------------------
Jonginus Monster Spotted
October
13 , 2003
Roiders
Several members of the popular band Skamatiks recently went on a picnic
in a cornfield in the middle of the night, when they claimed to have
spotted the creature known locally as "the jonginus monster".
While little is known about the creature, some scientists claim that the jonginus maximus skativa is actually the cousin of a distant relative to an animal that once swam in the same river as a fish eaten by a cat whose owner watched a Discovery show on marsupials. Therefore, they have no clue what it is. Only that it is wild and could be dangerous.
"We
snuck up on it while it was using the husk of the corn to form a make-shift
toupee." tenor saxaphone player Jeremy Hansen mentioned, "It
had a bald spot on the back of what appeared to be its head. I could
tell the little fella was extremely self-conscience."
"The jonginus monster was not a very experienced toupee weaver and was having a frustrating time trying to make this hairpiece. During my years at North Salem High, I never imagined that those classes on toupee weaving with corn husk would pay off! But now was my chance!!
"So,
I tried to help it, when suddenly it threw a corn at me and hit me right
in the belly!"
The corn did little damage to the saxaphone player, but the trauma from the attack may never leave him.
Similar stories have been reported in and around the Jefferson Oregon area.
A warning to late night corn field picnickers was made, that if they chose to continue having picnics in cornfields late at night, they should be advised that the Jonginus Monster is somewhere in the area. It is obviously a vicious distant relative of something that knew a marsupial, and because of that, it should be treated with great caution.
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